Hush, hush, darlin’
Oh. Well, hello there, Blog. I guess I’m serious about not sleeping tonight. I went to bed late, after hanging out with work friends for my last night at Starbucks, and woke up at 3. Usually, when I wake up like this, I lay in bed and try to rest but this morning I got up and painted my nails and read some in the books that Trever gave me as a going-away gift. I went back to bed, but I’m still not sleeping, so forget it. I’ll catch up later.
I’d forgotten how long ago it was that I left KCN church. We started going there when the Boy was 18 months old, which was… wow. A long time ago. We attended there for two years before we bought our house in another town and at that time, I decided that a half hour drive was too far for church. If I wanted my kids to really be friends with kids from church, we needed to be someplace close. As I began the process of looking for a new church, I realized how many friendships I hadn’t made at KCN. I decided then, that no matter how long I spent in a place, I would invest myself fully.
Growing up the way we did can teach a person to deal with transition in a few different ways. Moving every year or two and constantly changing schools can either make it difficult to make friends, or it can make it really easy to make friends. It can also make it difficult to keep friends, even if they’re easily made. When I think back, my pattern was always to find one really good friend. I didn’t learn to have a group of friends until I was in middle school, and even then, my “group” was two other girls. Being an “all or nothing” kind of person, I’ve always found it difficult to maintain casual friendships, although I’m okay at friendly acquaintances.
Several years ago, I worked at an espresso stand where I made a really good friend. At least, I had thought she was a really good friend, but when I left the stand, I never saw her again. I’ve had a lot of jobs, and made a lot of friends that way, and lost most of those friendships when it was time to move on. Moving schools, changing jobs, moving from place to place… I’ve left a lot of people behind. I was thinking that leaving Starbucks is hard because I don’t deal with change as easily as I used to, but I’m wondering if maybe it’s really that I’m leaving still more people behind.
I’ve spent the last week not thinking too hard about that bit.
The internet and social media change things, of course. Do we really leave anyone behind anymore? I think yes: the frequent, 3-D connection is important. So, when I’m losing this connection with some people who have become very dear to me… I ask myself, did I invest myself enough? Did I love enough? If I did, then it’s worth it to be sad now that I won’t see these people all the time anymore, because I made the most of the time I had with them, and any of the friendships that carry on will be an even greater blessing.
So, I start my new job on Monday, and I’ll begin investing again in a new group of people. If my new co-workers are even half as funny and smart and hard-working as the ones I’ve left, I’ll consider myself amazingly lucky.